The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” could also be adapted to say “it takes a community.” A supportive community can instill a strong sense of belonging in our children, nurture their social and emotional skills, and offer assistance as they navigate life. Moreover, this connection contributes positively to society as a whole. As guardians, we can actively guide our children in discovering their communities and cultivating these essential relationships over time.
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Building a sense of belonging
How crucial are the connections within a community? Laura Henderson, a mother, former teacher, and registered clinical counselor, states, “They are essential for childhood development. A sense of belonging is vital; we are not meant to journey through life in isolation.”
With experience as a school and private practice counselor, Henderson understands the significance of community bonds. “Children exemplify the advantages of a strong community,” she says. “Observing their growth in knowledge, skills, and experiences is truly gratifying.”
Beyond developing a feeling of belonging, a nurturing community supplies youth with
- trusted adults to reach out to during difficult times
- a variety of resources and a network for potential future endeavors
- positive representations of diversity, cultural differences, and different viewpoints
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The reciprocal nature of community
Elaine Su, a mother, teacher-librarian, writer, and advisor on equity and diversity, passionately advocates for the importance of community. As a first-generation Chinese-Canadian settler, she recognizes how intrinsic community is to her culture and its impact on her family’s upbringing.
Su emphasizes, “You can’t truly care for those you don’t care about, which is why it’s crucial for our children to feel invested in their surroundings, just as we want them to feel valued.”
Thus, community imparts the message that each individual holds significance while simultaneously teaching children that they are part of a broader landscape of importance. “Community is a two-way street; it is both something from which you receive and something you contribute,” Su adds. “I want children to recognize the various roles, big and small, that each of us plays in cultivating and nurturing community.”
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Effects of the pandemic
Henderson notes that during the pandemic’s peak, many young individuals faced challenges due to diminished social interactions. She observed an uptick in stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation among children and adolescents—observations supported by research.
Data collected in Canada during the early phases of the pandemic revealed that 57 percent of adolescents aged 15 to 17 experienced a decline in mental health compared to prior to the physical distancing measures. A 2022 global study highlighted how the pandemic negatively affected youth mental health, exacerbating issues like anxiety, depression, and loneliness. The same study underscored the importance of social ties in alleviating these mental health challenges.
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Fostering community
Just as social dynamics evolve throughout our lives, a child’s community will also develop and expand. For example, a four-year-olds community will differ significantly from that of a 12-year-old.
For young children, their communities typically involve close family and trusted caregivers such as preschool teachers. As they grow, their communities will expand to include familiar adults they frequently interact with—this may include neighbors or other local figures—along with peers. As they advance into older childhood, new community connections are often formed through school, extracurricular activities, and potentially online forums.
According to Henderson, assisting children in establishing and fostering positive relationships often comes down to simply modeling these interactions in our daily lives. “Children are observant and learn from how we engage with others—whether that be our friends, family, or colleagues,” she elaborates.
She encourages parents to teach their children valuable communication skills, including active listening and articulating their needs effectively.
Su offers a practical example of how even young kids can contribute to community building. “It starts with recognizing the happiness that comes from greeting a familiar dog at the park. Picking up a particularly nice stick and leaving it in their yard, along with a note, is an example of nurturing community ties.” These small gestures empower children, teaching them about their capacity to impact their community.
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Personalized strategies
As guardians, it is important to appreciate that every child is distinct; therefore, their community experiences will also vary. Henderson references a metaphor from respected psychologist Marsha Linehan that encourages individuals to embrace their authentic selves rather than conforming to others’ expectations, stating, “If you’re a tulip, seek out a tulip garden.”
In essence, if a child struggles to fit in, it could indicate they haven’t yet found their ideal community. Perhaps a child may not enjoy participating in sports but might find joy in activities like a chess club or musical theatre.
“A significant challenge I often observe is the push for children to connect, without discerning which connections are healthy,” notes Henderson. “It’s essential to recognize and validate differences while thinking creatively about providing social opportunities that resonate with our children’s individual preferences.”
While fostering connections is crucial, it is equally essential to ensure that children cultivate healthy relationships. This involves teaching them about establishing boundaries. Henderson offers several guidelines.
Empower choice
From an early age, encourage children to have control over their own bodies and relationships—if they aren’t comfortable giving a hug, don’t compel them to do so.
Provide clarity
Help children understand why it’s important not to hurt or touch those who do not consent.
Acknowledge feelings
Teach kids to recognize and trust their feelings, even negative ones, affirming that they can express discomfort or unease. Allow them to name and articulate such emotions.
Model behaviors
Exhibit healthy boundaries and express your feelings in your daily life.
Explain limitations
Clarify the reasoning behind certain limits; for example, explaining why it’s necessary to maintain proper dental hygiene.
Can literature foster community? Absolutely, asserts teacher-librarian Elaine Su, who views books as “validating, affirming, and potentially lifesaving.”
Quoting esteemed literature academic Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop, Su illustrates how books can serve as mirrors (helping us see ourselves), windows (offering glimpses into other worlds), and sliding doors (enabling readers to adopt new perspectives).
In particular, children’s literature that celebrates diversity and joy plays a vital role, according to Su. “It shapes children’s worldview, making it one of the simplest yet most enjoyable ways to challenge harmful biases that many of us absorb from our culturally biased environments.”
Su adds that beyond just providing books, public libraries are invaluable community resources, offering safe spaces and numerous free programs for individuals of all ages.
Connections made online can also be significant, joyful, and beneficial for the youth: a child with a specific hobby, for instance, can bond with peers sharing the same interest. The priority, however, is ensuring online safety. Parents can play a key role by being engaged, establishing guidelines, educating their children about privacy and media literacy, and utilizing parental controls. For more information, consult resources such as mediasmarts.ca and protectkidsonline.ca.
Is your child feeling lonely? Counselors like Laura Henderson emphasize that loneliness can sometimes go unnoticed by adults; caregivers may not always recognize their child’s feelings of isolation. Conversely, the assumption that quiet, shy, or introverted children are lonely may not hold true. The best course of action is to communicate openly with your child about their feelings.
If they do express loneliness, Henderson advises “acknowledging and validating their feelings instead of minimizing them with reasons for why they shouldn’t feel that way.”
Together, you can devise a practical strategy. “Rather than promising instant friendships, view it as climbing a ladder, focusing initially on the first step,” she suggests. This could mean identifying a classmate they could get to know better or someone with whom they share common interests. “From there, you can build further steps.”
This is a prime opportunity to strengthen your own community connections as well.
- Enroll in a class or attend a program at your local recreation or cultural center.
- Participate in local events and celebrations.
- Engage in city hall meetings.
- Arrange regular coffee meetings with friends.
- Get acquainted with your neighbors.
- Volunteer for a nonprofit organization in your area.
Consider reaching out to a counselor through your regional mental health association. Children and teens also have the option to contact their school counselors directly.